Annotated model answer

Persuasive writing: an annotated model response

A strong answer with margin notes that show what earns the marks. Every passage and answer here is our own.

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The exam-style question

This is a persuasive writing question, in the style of the First Language English papers. Read it as you would in the exam, then compare your plan with the model.

Write a persuasive piece urging your community to protect a local green space that is under threat. Use persuasive technique with a controlled voice. This is our own original practice prompt.

Our original passageapprox. 160 words

Notes: Save Meadow Fields

Persuasive task. Meadow Fields, a patch of open grass and old oak trees at the edge of your town, may be built on. Details you may use or shape: children have played there for generations; it is the only green space within walking distance for the nearby streets; older residents walk there each morning; swifts nest in the oaks each summer; after heavy rain the field soaks up water that would otherwise flood the road.

The developer promises jobs and new homes, which the town does need. Objectors want the field kept, or at least part of it. A public meeting is next week.

Write to persuade fellow residents to attend and speak up. Persuasion works best with a controlled voice, rhythm, imagery, direct address and a few well-placed facts, rather than mere exaggeration.

Our annotated model response

Model response: Persuasive writing

Persuasion is not volume. It is control: a steady voice, patterned sentences, a well-chosen image and the odd concession that earns the reader's trust.

Stand at the edge of Meadow Fields on a summer evening and you can hear it: children shouting, swifts screaming over the oaks, and beneath it a quiet our streets have almost forgotten.1 We are told the town needs homes and jobs, and it does; I will not pretend otherwise.2 But this one field is the only green within walking distance for hundreds of us, and it does something concrete no car park can: after heavy rain it drinks the water that would otherwise flood our road.3 Lose it, and we do not simply lose grass; we lose the morning walk, the nesting swifts, the flood defence, and the one place our children can run without a road between them and the sky.4 So come to the meeting next week. Come, and speak, because a field cannot speak for itself, and silence, next Tuesday, will sound exactly like agreement.5

A trial lesson can compare your child's own answer with this model on Persuasive writing.

Common errors we see

  • Shouting (capitals, exclamation marks) instead of controlled technique
  • Exaggeration without any concrete supporting point
  • No concession, so the writer sounds one-eyed and less trustworthy
  • Vague praise ('best ever') in place of specific, chosen detail
  • A weak or missing call to action

How this maps to the mark scheme

Examiners mark against assessment objectives. These are the skills the paper rewards.

For persuasive writing, the objectives in play are listed below. The wording is summarised for Cambridge IGCSE First Language English (0500) on our qualification page.

  • Articulate experience and express what is thought, felt and imagined.
  • Organise and structure ideas and opinions for deliberate effect.
  • Use register and style appropriate to purpose and audience.
  • Make accurate use of spelling, punctuation and grammar.

Marks reward a voice that moves the reader, a structure that builds and a register that fits the audience. Accuracy is credited separately.

Other boards word their objectives differently, but the same skills earn the marks. Your board's official syllabus gives the exact weighting.

Where to go next

Learn the method in our guide to persuasive writing, then try the persuasive writing practice tasks. You can browse every annotated model response or see how we teach this in our First Language English tuition.

When you have written your own answer, take it to a paid one-hour trial lesson and the teacher who would continue will mark it with you.

Next, visit our original practice tasks to try the same method on a fresh task. Our IGCSE English tuition page explains how lessons run. When you are ready, the paid one-hour trial is the first step.

Try this question with a teacher

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